Forgiveness: An Essential Part of Your Health Toolbox

Apart from in religious circles forgiveness is a barely spoken about life tool but is one that can improve both our health and lifespan. Indeed, forgiveness is such an important topic that there is an International Forgiveness Institute and Ivy League universities such as Harvard host conferences about the topic.

How forgiveness works is backed by science.  In essence, it helps the people who are doing the forgiving. For example, forgiveness can improve mental health outcomes leading to reduced depression, anxiety and major psychiatric disorders.  It can also result in better physical health including lower blood pressure, improved sleep, and lower mortality rates. In addition, children who forgive do better academically.

Two specific studies are worth mentioning as they are intervention based, in other words give tangible actionable advice.  The first, a 2022 study by Worthington at al, shows that a ‘brief workbook intervention (REACH) promoted forgiveness and reduced depression and anxiety symptoms’.  The workbook can be found here.

The second study is Enright’s forgiveness therapy process model which uses a 20-step system to move people through four phases: ‘uncovering one’s negative feelings about the offense, deciding to forgive, working toward understanding the offending person, and discovering empathy and compassion for him or her’.   Enright, a psychologist who pioneered the study of forgiveness more than 30 years ago, states that “Through these cognitive exercises, they begin to see the other person as a wounded human being, as opposed to stereotyping them and defining them by their hurtful actions.“

In a meta-analysis of 54 forgiveness studies, Worthington found that both his and Enright’s models helped people forgive and also improved their mental health.  In fact there is such plentiful evidence of the benefits that researchers compiled it into a 2015 book, “Forgiveness and Health”.

Another interesting study which analysed the relationship among stress, psychological well-being and forgiveness found that for the subgroup of volunteers who were rated as high on forgiveness measures, high lifetime stress didn’t predict poor mental health, unlike those without high forgiveness measures. The study’s author Toussaint says “We thought forgiveness would knock something off the relationship [between stress and psychological distress], but we didn’t expect it to zero it out.”

However, as with most things in life there are caveats to forgiveness, in that there is a time and a place for forgiveness. Whilst someone may be able to forgive an abusive partner, they certainly should physically remove themselves from the situation.  If that leads to emotional or verbal abuse by text for example, communications should also be ceased. In other words, safety is paramount with forgiveness later.  Forgiveness also doesn’t mean you can’t seek justice or consequences for wrongs.

Having a religious faith seems to give people an advantage when it comes to forgiving. “All of the major religions value forgiveness,” states Worthington. In addition, research has also found that prayer can boost forgiveness for those who already have a religious belief. In this study Toussaint et al studied those with a Christian, Muslim or Hindu faith. He found that ‘participants in the prayer group showed statistically significant decreases in retaliation motives from pre-test to post-test.’

In terms of practical advice forgiveness is more than just moving on or letting go.  As Enright states; ‘True forgiveness goes a step further, offering something positive—empathy, compassion, understanding—toward the person who hurt you.’

The first step toward forgiveness is simply making the decision to forgive. This means consciously choosing to substitute feelings of ill will with feelings of good will.  Emotional forgiveness can take longer but does develop with time and continuing to choose forgiveness. With research showing that people benefit from forgiveness intervention, benefits may fade with time, so like most things in life we need to keep practicing.

In terms of practical advice Worthington’s study describes the REACH method of forgiveness. REACH stands for:

• ‘Recall: Recall the hurt. Look at the incident in an objective way, and don’t try to push aside your feelings.
• Empathize: Empathize with the offender — without excusing the action or invalidating your own feelings. Maybe the person was having a bad day or was raised in dire circumstances.
• Altruistic gift: Give the altruistic gift of forgiveness. Think about a time when you were rude or harsh, and recognize that everyone has shortcomings.
• Commit: Make a decision to forgive. You can write a letter that you don’t send to help yourself make the commitment.
• Hold: Hold on to forgiveness. Memories of the transgression or event won’t change. But how you react to those feelings will.’

Hopefully this article inspires you to give forgiveness a try, even if only to help you feel better!

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